Love isn't easy, but its worth it

A lot's been missed out in this. Me and Ally are back. We argue so much. I really don't know what to do. We cant be without each other, we cant, its horrible. But we argue, argue like we're worst enemies. But he's my bestfriend, he's everything to me. We'll have been out a year exactly tomorrow. And we argued last night & the night before. He called me a slag, he told me i'd cheat on him, he was horrible to me on Friday. Really, really horribly cruel. But i went to meet him, and we argued and talked and i tried to go home. He grabbed my wrists and pulled me back, he wouldn't let go of me. We made up though. But last night, that was something totally different. Last night should not have happened at all. Last night we argued and Ally smashed up my phone over and over and over. He roared at me, the kind of arguments that your stomach flip, the anger in his eyes. And he grabbed me, and threw me to the ground. Like i was nothing. I felt like nothing. Worthless. But i pulled myself together and i told him i was going home alone. He was instantly sorry, he cried. But i didn't want to talk, i was shocked. I still am shocked. He didn't mean to hurt me, i know he didn't but he did hurt me. He looked so lost, so ashamed. He told me he had to make sure i got home safe, he told me he couldn't be alone and he needed me more than anything. He said if i went home, he might aswell kill hiself, because life without me is nothing. He reminded me of my dad. The anger. I stayed at his, i only went back to wait for a taxi but his mum made me talk. I didn't sleep in the same room as ally. But he came through this morning, we talked and cuddled. I can't help but love him. He hates his self, i can see it in his eyes. I know he does love me. He said he'll buy me a new phone, but the phone means nothing. He kissed my knees better, kissed my forehead, cuddled me in. Even this morning he can still make me laugh. But he wont laugh, wont even smile. I want him to know he was wrong, yes, but i dont want him to hate hiself. It hurts me that he would do that to me. But it hurts me more to see him hurting. I feel like im split in half! Theres a huge part of me that loves Ally so much, and as soon as i hit the ground i wanted to give him a cuddle, to go back to his, to tell him i love him. But theres still a part of me that makes me walk away, that tells me i need to have some form of respect for myself. I'll always love Ally, that is never going away.