Good friends

So we finished. At the start he wanted me to stay all week. By friday, he couldn't care less. He couldn't tell me he loved me and he couldn't tell me he wanted to be with me. He didnt know. So i walked away. I love him. We're going to be friends still. We talk still. And surprisingly, im ok with it. Maybe we need some space. But he also doesn't want to see me with anyone else, and not that im planning to, but its bound to happen at some point. He's upset about Ben, he wants to kill him, and i want to tell him i love him, that he's worth a million of Ben. But telling him i love him isnt going to make it easier for him to get over me. Its strange, a years alot. A year is a lot of feeling to have gone through with someone and i will never ever forget Ally. I'll never forget how he made me feel, and i'll never love anyone this much. Ever.

I would understand if you walked away

I dont think i will ever be able to put into words how much i love Ally. I could write a million and more blogs and only i'll ever understand. Ben didnt want me, he wanted to make Ally angry. It was ugly and horrible and the biggest mistake of my life. But i dont remember it. I told Ally, he was angry then upset. I think he wanted me to try and make him stay, but how could i convince him to love me when i hate myself this much. He wanted to love me, to trust me. I want him to love me, to trust me. I want me to let him. I want to stop hurting him, to stop doubting him, to love him the way he is. Ally's the best thing thats ever happened to me and yet still i wanted more. I want nothing. Nothing but him. His smile, his laugh, his tears, his smell, his love, all the little things are all the things that break your heart when it comes down to it. And we did finish. 'I love you, but its not gonna work like that just me getting hurt so yeah bye, dont forget me♥'. Don't forget me. How could i forget you? Im not going to tell Ally it definately happened, because i don't know it did. But i cant lie and promise him it didn't because i don't know that either. He was really upset, i expected the anger, i expected him to finish it. But the upset, the tears. I didn't expect that. I didn't expect all that love. I didn't expect him to take me back. I love him for trying, and i love him for loving me. But i almost want to tell him to walk away. Because i cant hurt him like this. If im going to be a constant reminder of it then i'd rather not be around to remind him. I'd rather he be happy, even if that doesnt mean with me.

Wow this was supposed to be posted long ago

I dont think i will ever be able to put into words how much i love Ally. I could write a million and more blogs and only i'll ever understand. Ben didnt want me, he wanted to make Ally angry. It was ugly and horrible and the biggest mistake of my life. But i dont remember it. I told Ally, he was angry then upset. I think he wanted me to try and make him stay, but how could i convince him to love me when i hate myself this much. He wanted to love me, to trust me. I want him to love me, to trust me. I want me to let him. I want to stop hurting him, to stop doubting him, to love him the way he is. Ally's the best thing thats ever happened to me and yet still i wanted more. I want nothing. Nothing but him. His smile, his laugh, his tears, his smell, his love, all the little things are all the things that break your heart when it comes down to it. And we did finish. 'I love you, but its not gonna work like that just me getting hurt so yeah bye, dont forget me<3'. Don't forget me. How could i forget you? Im not going to tell Ally it definately happened, because i don't know it did. But i cant lie and promise him it didn't because i don't know that either. He was really upset, i expected the anger, i expected him to finish it. But the upset, the tears. I didn't expect that. I didn't expect all that love. I didn't expect him to take me back. I love him for trying, and i love him for loving me. But i almost want to tell him to walk away. Because i cant hurt him like this. If im going to be a constant reminder of it then i'd rather not be around to remind him.

Do i love you? Do you love me?

I do the same thing with Ally over and over again recently. Its boring. I'm bored of this. He doesn't tell me he loves me any more. He pushed me away constantly. We nearly finished last night. None of us can see the point any more, we cant be bothered with it any more, there's nothing good left. But its almost as if both of us are too scared to end it. So we're still together. But I don't know if he loves me, and honestly, I don't know if I love him either. I love him, but I'm just not sure I love him in that way any more. I want to do things, uni and holidays, and even the small things; I want to go out for dinner, to the cinema. But he wont. And then he complains he's bored and I get sick of trying. I don't really know where we're going here or even if we're going anywhere. But lets give it another go eh.