Im back on the cabbage soup diet.

Today I had an extra 3 triangles of toblerone tho

I can burn 461 calories an hour doing jumping jacks

There was about 2000 calories in that binge. Do you realise how fucking much food that is?!?! Do you?!!? I cant burnt that off ever. Like if I excersized for the full of tonight I could not burn that off. Do you realise that? I will be fatter when I wake up in the morning and there is nothing I can do about it now!!! Why why why do I put myself in these situations its all my fucking fault

Help me

I had to purge. And hardly anything came up and i was coughing blood and now my stomach really hurts and this is so fucking horrible

I binged a bit.

2 slice beans on toast with cheese
Half grab bag of sensations
3 brownies
1 scone
1 pink iced cake

I broke my fast and had a muller rice, it's only 130 cals but basically I'm fucking starving and dizzy and shit and its horrible and I can't concentrate on anything

Ok i might go down at 4 and make beans on toast but not eat it.. Then I can say I'm not hungry cause I had that?

I'm scared because I saw a fajita kit downstairs and its one of my fav foods ever and I don't know how to turn that down if that's dinner. I have to tho because chicken and cheese and sour cream and carbs and omg no. I just can't do that. Like that is wayyyy to much. I'm scared how to avoid it tho. It's going to be so obvious.

Think I need a bath, distract my hunger

Supersize vs superskinny is a strange program for me. I look at the thin people and desperately want to look like them so it's motivation but I look at the fat people's food and could eat soooo much so it's temptation

Fasting today

Had half a bowl of bran = 67 cals

So today will be a hard day. Its Saturday and I have work. Its in a cafe so as if that's not enough to bring on cravings, they also offer me free burgers, toasties, anything I want. If I say no the first time they ask me, I'm normally ok. But to get to the point where I say no, I've had a thousand arguments with myself before that. Can I eat? Cant I? Today, no. No you can't. And then if I tackle that, it's being at home. My dad, Cat & Sarah are all out tonight and so it's not so much a matter of being forced to eat but of myself becoming my own worst enemy. I have no will power. I'll walk home which will burn some calories but even then I'll only get in at half 4 and if I go to bed at half 10, that's still 6 hours to avoid food. Maybe I wont come home straight away, I could walk for an hour before I come home so I get back at half 5. Then that's a reasonable time for dinner, right? But something low cal. I'll try to distract myself with my coursework, my Psychology stuff and cleaning my room. But this is going to be damn hard. But I can't fail today, I just cant. If I fail today most of what I've done so far will go down the drain and that cant happen. I need to wake up thinner tomorrow.

You know when your feeling really shit about boys, just be thin

I'm trying to do 10 mins at a time, I struggled with that one so much

It's so sunny today so I'm trying to get out on my trampoline a lot

I think I figured that having tomato or brown sauce on your toast I healthier than butter

Wow just realised whole meal bread is only 58 cals a slice but white is 113 wow

After a few days it becomes easier to eat less and excersize more I think

Ok so yeah, if i get down to 8 and a half stone I can have a bowl of supernoodles ok? Although maybe by then it wont be supernoodles, maybe I'll crave something else by then even though im not actually craving supernoodles right now I think they'd be nice

Breakfast: coffee

I'm just so unhappy with my body. My mum pointed out today that I was bursting out of my school shirt. I mean, I know that. I feel that every second of the day. I've been walking around trying desperately to hold it in and wrap my jacket around me and hope no one sees it and here you are.. Pointing it out right in the middle of the restraunt. And I can't tell you! I laugh, I just fucking laugh it off but that is what I have to do. Do I tell you how many nights I have spent on pro ana blogs or cried myself to sleep or purged because I felt so guilty? No. Because that's not fucking normal. Normal is accepting that yes mum, I am fat. And thank you for that complement, it was lovely. I came home and I turned on the shower and I purged until my mouth was bleeding and my head hurt. And then I sat on the floor in the scalding water and I cried. But after a while, you know, I had to pull myself together because I know you will be suspicious. And so I came to bed , where I am right now and I'm trying to talk to this blog which isn't even a person just because I really fucking need someone to understand and I just I need to lose weight and I feel sick at myself and its just fucking horrible and I just need someone

I swear excersise makes people happier

I will do this every day

Breakfast: half an apple 28
Lunch: chicken burger & chips (Toni macaroni) 520 (could be wrong that just the average)
Snack: yum yum 220
Dinner: 2 dairy lee light triangles 50

Walked for an hour and a half: burned 292

= 476

Dad brought home Krispy Kreme doughnuts and kinder bars so I binged a lot. I think I have indigestion or something. Its upsetting my crohns and I've put on like 4 pounds. Ah, help.

I only binged a day and a half but I feel disgusting and I've done no excersize

Breakfast: breakfast bar - 70

I stayed off school yesterday and binged so much!! I need to get my shit back together before Monday

So basically I've ate a ton of sweets and toast since I came in, defo still under 1000. I'm trying to be sick and dodge my ms prelim tomorrow

I'm still under 9 stone. Today may be hard because I'll go to my grandmas for dinner and all there is to do is eat, it's hard to avoid it

Crisps: 168
Hot chocolate: 38
2 mini eggs, 2 jelly faces, 1 dummy

Im hungover. And im STARVING. And this coffee is just not doing it for me right now, I literally want to cry. I want a mcdonalds and a cheese and pickle toastie and the crisps from the other room and toast and beans and a bacon roll

I could really go a chicken burger right now, with all the mayo and salad and chicken and mmmm omg I love chicken. Chicken has to be one of the best foods. Like you know that burger I had in work yesterday, I could soooo go that like right now or 2 maybe 2 or even 3 probably and McDonald's chips and the BBQ sauce omg what uhhhh this would be so good. Imagine being so skinny and eating all this and people are like 'how can you be so skinny?!' And they're so jealous and you fucking enjoy that burger because you worked for that shit. I want that.

I think its more of a deal that I lost weight because I intended not to drink last night because of the calories, got drunk and still lost weight. I think I should fast today, because although later I know i'll feel like probably having chilli and nachos or dairy lee on toast, I have all this shitty alcohol in my system and it needs to leave. And until it does im not sure how many calories I will have put on, I might go a walk later, but i'll more than likely do some more squats/lunches/crunches etc because that means not having to face my hangover so much. I also have an assignment to write on an empty stomach which will be pleasant.

Breakfast: Coffee

Ok so, I'm 124 pounds this morning. I know to most people, that is like nothing but it means im below 9 stone and so, its more achieveable to reach 119 pounds by next monday. I have hospital and I want to see all their reactions since the last time they were like woah you gained weight!

Breakfast: Apple and a handful of raspberrys - 53 + 10 = 63
Lunch: Chicken burger from work (Mcdonalds has 360 calories, so I'll go with that)
Dinner: Jelly babies - 170 (OMG DID NOT KNOW THIS WOULD BE SO MUCH)
             Kinder Bar - 118
             2 Drumstick lolly - 160

= 871 Wow so much. Need to burn this off before I go out tonight

I want to go into a shop and try on a size 8 jeans and for them to be too big. I think that would be nice

Shit that's too much, ok I won't eat the other half of the tin of spaghetti left. So thats only 105 calories

I had a tin of spaghetti hoops which are 210 calories.
I think I may be less than 600 calories today: Baby bells are 42 each so 84, 95 calories in a banana. Unsure about the icing but surely not over 200?

I watched a Fearne Cotton documentary on anorexia, it stopped my urge to binge.

I tried to find a pro ana buddy, no ones replying

Ok so basically, I didn't really plan to use this again. I've been using tumblr more. But I wanted a blog where I could record my weight loss and I considered tumblr yeah but then I really want to be able to post pictures of myself and how much weight I've lost and I'm not sure I feel comfortable doing it on there since my friends follow me so I thought I should make good use of this blog.

Current weight: 127 pounds
Goal weight: 119 pounds
Ultimate weight: 112 pounds

Breakfast: nothing
Lunch: 2 Baby Bells, tiny slice of cake
Snack: 2 spoons of icing and one strawberry lace one banana