Let me move in with you

It feels like im waiting for fucking everything. Uni and jobs and kids and living with Ally and cars. Im sick of it! I want it now! I could have had my baby, i would have lived with Ally! I could have had all that and i threw it away! Ally thinks its too soon. I remember that night he asked me to move in, clear as anything and one of the best memories i have. He wanted it so bad i was the one who was unsure. Its so the other way about and i hate it! I want to move in with him. I hate his house. I love being with him. I dont understand why he doesnt want that anymore. I dont want to push him into anything, but i want this so bad.

I cant be alone

My dad's trying to split me & Ally up, that may sound like an exaggeration but its not. He's told me he doesn't want me to be with him, that he's not part of my future. But who is he to say what my future is? He wants University and money and a job; but all of that means nothing to me. Life isn't about money, its about love. He stopping me staying on Fridays. One night might seem like nothing, but those nights mean so much to me. My dad doesn't understand, he thinks its all about sex. Its not. Its having someone there. Its getting a cuddle in the middle of the night. Its getting a kiss before work, and having someone to come home to after work. Its not being alone. I can't be alone, i overthink and i get upset. And when your minds racking through everything in the middle of the night, sometimes that arm around you, that gentle kiss, its enough to stop it all, its reassurance; something i haven't felt from my dad in a long time. My dad told me to move in with my mum, then cried said he wanted this to feel like my home. This isn't my home. I don't know where my home is, but it's not here.

I cant do this without you anymore

Im terrified. I've never been so scared of something in my whole entire life. Losing you. Ally. I may say at times you mean nothing to me. I may say i don't need you. But you'll always mean something to me. This year with you has been hard, theres no denying it and if im honest im surprised we're still together. But arguments or not, i wouldn't change us for the world. You made me feel things that no one i've ever met has ever made me feel. Im terrified that one day i wont be able to watch you sleep, that i wont feel your arms around me anymore, i wont hear your voice all the time. I'm terrified because i know it will happen. I'm terrified of this. Us. Because i am going to lose you and i'm not sure i can do this without you anymore. Im terrified because im in this situation right now. I need you, i need you more than i've ever needed anyone. I love you more than i've ever loved anyone. And i can't lost you. Im in so deep and theres no easy was out and im not sure you feel the same. Im sorry.