A little lost.

I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what to do or who to tell or what I want anymore. He hurt me, really, really hurt me. Again. And again. And again. And now he wants to get back. He gives me all the lines and I desperately want to believe them but its so hard. How do you listen to someone who's given you a million lies and believe that for once, this is true? He says one more chance. He says he'd make sure I'd never regret it. He swore on his life, gave me his heart, promised he'd never hurt me. But I'm already hurt. And I'm scared. Because I cant do this again. I cant put my trust in someone and be dropped. Left with nothing and no idea what to do. It really fucking hurts. He told other girls he loved them. How do I look at him when he tells me he loves me and fully believe him? I was having his baby! And it was so perfect and so beautiful. He thinks of her. He tells me and it breaks my heart because it's the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life. And so you don't let someone you love go. But maybe it hurts more to hold on. I don't know. Love doesn't come around that often and really not often do you find someone who totally, fully understands you like he does. There was a saying once that people used to have 4 arms, 4 legs. Zeus split them into 2 different parts condemning them to spend their lives searching for their other half. It feels like that, you know. That there's a part of myself I see in him. I don't see that with anyone else. We can read each other like a book. You know that mask you put on when your feeling the worst you've ever felt, or you want to burst down in tears, or when your angry and you try to cover it up, he see's through that. No one else does. I feel alone. But sometimes I don't feel so alone when I'm with him and even through all the stupid mistakes both of us have made, I know he feels the same. But I'm scared. Scared to love him, scared to trust, to try, to care. Scared that he loves me. Scared of being hurt. Scared that it's all a lie. I want to love him so much, and i desperately want him to love me but I'm scared. I'm falling apart and I'm not ok at all and i cant deal with anymore pain. I just need someone to be there. Someone to reassure me. Someone to hold me in the middle of the night and just promise me you'll be there forever. And I'm not sure that in a week or so he wont walk away. What do I do?