i am so bloody confused. i miss my dad so much. i dont admit that to anyone. i dont admit much to anyone now adays. but i do. i miss him alot. i want to see him but i know he's not the person i miss. i miss the person he used to be, so so much! us laughing and joking about, and how he was so into his family and how he was so fat and happy and loving. but thats not him anymore. how do i get him back? i love my dad so much. but who he's turned into.
and connor. what the hell. the other night he was calling me beautiful and sexy and cute. and saying i needed to have more confidence and that we should meet up and stuff. but i didnt think it was him, so i was fine with that. but i was him. and now that confuses me even more, because we've hardly spoke since and i dont understand it? we say we'll talk more in school, or he'll come through, or we'll meet up, but we never do. and when we go back to school its gonna be all him & amy and theres gonna be no need for me. and then what? just forget about it? pretend like i dont care? im sick of pretending, of hiding all my feelings.
i really just want a hug.
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