I regret this night so much. I doubt me and Ally will ever go back to being the same now, and that makes me contemplate even more whether i shoud stay with him. We were all at his drinking and just generally mucking about. I cant even be sure of what happened but i ended up in the toilets crying. I know, I know i wouldnt be the first time. But i ended up spilling all my feelings about Ally to Leah who seemed pretty shocked to say the least. Somewhere in this jumble of my mixed up feelings, i had sex with Ally. Well at least i think i did. Honestly, i cant remember it but from the way he was talking id think we did. Maybe it was somewhere around then that i clicked back into thinking i didn't like him. My mind felt like a light switch, never quite sure whether my feelings for Ally were on or off. And so i returned back down stairs, and told Jamie & Andrew that i wasn't sure about liking him. I thought i could trust them, i mean Jamie's told me stuff before about Rose. Im not even sure i said bye to Ally, but i didn't stay like i was supposed to. I phoned my dad and went home, barely able to get into the car.
Later Andrew phoned me and we had a long chat, since he told me he actually had alot of the same problems with his girlfriend, Rebecca. He was still with Ally, but he just didn't know Andrew was on the phone to me. I told Andrew so much, and it strange that now i actually dont know what i would do without him to talk to. But whilst i was on the phone to him, they all ended up meeting up with Lauren & Rose. Both of which Ally has kissed before, so yeah, you could say i didnt trust him around them. And Ally actually said 'If becca had finished with me tonight, i could of just went with Lauren'. I didn't doubt at all that he said that, it's him written all over. But i guess it still shocked me, it still hurt because i suppose somewhere inside i sort of hoped he wouldnt cheat on me. I mean, he didnt. But he wanted to all the same.
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