I spent another day with Ally, we went shopping with his mum then went back to his. Somethings changed and i don't know how to fix it. The comments he makes are horrible and he doesn't seem the slightest bit concerned he might be hurting me. Maybe he doesn't realise that saying my sunburns disgusting, pointing out my 'bingo wings', telling me my hairs a mess and saying he doesn't like my new earings would bother me, not including the smart comment about Bria poking me on facebook. Its everything in the way he sits, the way he doesn't put his arm round me anymore, barely holds my hand. And when he does touch me, its all sexual. And thats not what love is. But i let him, i risk that chance of me being pregnant (because just to make things worse, we've not used any form of contraception) just to feel his touch, to convince myself for a minute that there's nothing wrong.
But then he kisses my cheek. And that shows he cares right? And when we do, occasionally, hold hands i can feel the pulse, and i cant even tell whether its mine or his im so used to him. And surely theres still love there?
I don't think he feels that though. That pulse; the things girls notice, guys don't notice that right? Maybe he just feels he has to be there. Maybe im over reacting. Maybe he thinks nothing of it. Maybe everythings fine. I have no idea anymore. What the hell is wrong with me?
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