I would understand if you walked away

I dont think i will ever be able to put into words how much i love Ally. I could write a million and more blogs and only i'll ever understand. Ben didnt want me, he wanted to make Ally angry. It was ugly and horrible and the biggest mistake of my life. But i dont remember it. I told Ally, he was angry then upset. I think he wanted me to try and make him stay, but how could i convince him to love me when i hate myself this much. He wanted to love me, to trust me. I want him to love me, to trust me. I want me to let him. I want to stop hurting him, to stop doubting him, to love him the way he is. Ally's the best thing thats ever happened to me and yet still i wanted more. I want nothing. Nothing but him. His smile, his laugh, his tears, his smell, his love, all the little things are all the things that break your heart when it comes down to it. And we did finish. 'I love you, but its not gonna work like that just me getting hurt so yeah bye, dont forget me♥'. Don't forget me. How could i forget you? Im not going to tell Ally it definately happened, because i don't know it did. But i cant lie and promise him it didn't because i don't know that either. He was really upset, i expected the anger, i expected him to finish it. But the upset, the tears. I didn't expect that. I didn't expect all that love. I didn't expect him to take me back. I love him for trying, and i love him for loving me. But i almost want to tell him to walk away. Because i cant hurt him like this. If im going to be a constant reminder of it then i'd rather not be around to remind him. I'd rather he be happy, even if that doesnt mean with me.