I never knew, i never knew that everything was falling through, that everyone i knew was waiting on a queue, to turn and run, when all i needed was the truth.
Calum likes me. I love Calum, he's my bestfriend. But i dont like Calum like that.
I told him, i did i nicely, i dont wanna hurt him. He says we're fine, but we're not. Somethings changed, maybe he didnt really see me as a friend like he said? Maybe im not his bestfriend like he told me? I really dont know. I know he cares. I told him about the tablets ive been on for the Crohns. I told him about the steroids, and he cried. So he cares, i know he cares. But maybe he only cares about me because he likes me as more than a friend. I need Calum right now. I miss him a hell of a lot.
I miss 'the 6'. The 6 are Gemma, Rose, Shannon, Emily, Amy & Me. I miss them so much, it feels like so long since ive seen them and it feels like everyones drifting apart. I dont know what to do. Rose liked Connor and i knew she did. I kissed Connor, but so did she. She told me it was fine, told me we were fine. Me and Amy have never been the same since she went out with Jamie. They finished, i finished it for Amy. Amy likes Jamies bestfriend Gary. Emily shouted at me the last time i saw her. We were drunk, and we went to a party. Because we went she had to go home and she blamed that on me. Gemmas not been out since the party, so i miss her alot. And Shannon? Shannons busy, Shannons always busy. I miss them all so much!
It was my dads birthday yesterday. I didnt go to his. I dont want to see him. Im not sure if i just need a break from him and all the arguements or if this is it forever? Im not gonna be the one who goes back to him, it doesnt seem like he really cares so why should i be the one who goes and see's him? Im just happy to know i have a break from it all.
At least its eventually snowed, and i love it! The advent calendars are open, and its eventually beginning to feel like Christmas.
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