Talking to no one

and yet again im sitting in the middle of the night in the pitch black in tears with no idea why. and im thinking who do i talk to? i actually cannot think of one single person to even tell that im upset. and no one knows. who? my mum? my mums too stressed herself, she doesnt need this. my dad couldnt care less. my friends? it just never seems the time. and if im honest they all have too much to deal with aswell. so then who.. a blog. just writing endlessly to no one. and probably no one will even read this. and no one will even care. so then why am i writing this? so i feel ive spoke to someone? so i can sleep? cause, this isnt gonna cheer me up and i dont know what is. i have a party tomorrow. normally that would cheer me up, but right now i have no desire to get drunk and fall about and make myself look like a bloody idiot, and probably make a few a bitchy comments to the people i care about most. but i will. because if i dont, i'll have to explain why. and thats harder than anything.