Influences

Its strange how our past and everyone in it affects who you are in your every action, the person you are today so greatly. It's not that i don't like Allys dad, he's done nothing wrong to me, its just his way: the words he uses, the way he describes Ally's mum, his anger. I see a lot of that in Ally and i don't like it one bit. When he's with his mum, he's.. i don't know how to explain it, he's talks the way every girl wishes her boyfriend would? He tells me how much he cares, how he'd never leave me, how much he wants me to move in. My dad doesn't want me to move in with Ally, he says he's too jealous. He is, im also too jealous. Too suspicious perhaps. But im suspicious because i've seen exactly what im scared of destroy my entire family. I see the woman my dad dates, their relationship beginnings and endings always suspiciously over lapping. I see their naivety. I may be 16, i may have no idea about the world or even relationships, and i don't claim to but i've been shown example after example of why not to trust a guy. I've seen how easily its done, these woman are none the wiser. The man they care about pulls the wool over their eyes and jumps into another woman's bed, he comes back, he takes you to the cinema and you think he loves you. How would you know he was cheating on you? You wouldn't. So maybe that's where my suspicion stems from, where my jealousy stems from. Nothing ever does last in the end. You can be with someone till the day you die, that doesn't mean it lasted. Nothings perfect. It's not the babys fault, its my fault, its Allys fault. Maybe i am too young to have a baby. It would be hard, i know it would. But its always going to be hard whether your 16 or 26. Maybe Ally doesn't want this baby because of all the things his mum's telling him. Maybe im unsure, because deep down, i know i could do this. And why should you kill a baby because your scared? Have you never been scared of something before and still had to do it. I bet it worked out alright didn't it? You were scared on your first day of school, does that mean you shouldn't go? Your scared to propose to someone, does that mean you never should? Because letting fear control you gets you no where. Maybe i am this strong because of everything i've been through. Life's hard, but this baby deserves to see it.