Paranoid

I feel like im going insane. Why did i ever let myself love him so much? I don't even know what went wrong. He 'couldn't be arsed' for me to go to his tonight, even though i was already in Bathgate. Then he was all happy and wanted me to go to his. We hardly spoke, we had sex, he fell asleep, we hardly spoke i went home 3 hours early. He's talking to Bria again. Maybe its nothing. He says they don't even talk, and i believe him, but everytime im with him they do talk. I don't know what to believe anymore. I hate her with a passion because i know how easily she could take all this away from me. I mean i should know, i did it to her. I didn't do it intentionally though, although i dare say if i had know she was out with Ally when i started talking to him, i wouldn't have cared anymore than i did anyway. I don't know what he's thinking. We didn't even kiss. We had sex, and we didn't even kiss. That's not love. Thats just pure and utter sex. And im not here for a sex, im not here to be second best.